Apathetic Heart of Gold

Originally, someone wrote: Lemonade was a refreshing beverage and still is.

Someone responded with: Times have changed, the cost of lemonade has gone up.

Lastly, a third party chimed in with: It is okay, things will get better.

I remember this passage verbatim because it was so brilliant.

Neat word I learned today and thought I would share with my friends on tumblr: uxoricide

I used it in a post earlier today. It means: the act of murdering one’s wife

Writing my article on misled youths and their over conceptualization of love & marriage. I feel for our generation. They are truly screwed.
Love is near impossible, and marriage is a joke. wah wah.

Trying to drown out my entire college by listening to classical piano at a ridiculously high decibel. Need to focus and write my article now.

Next goal: become less of a misanthrope

Just asked a girl from one of my classes out on a date. She had a boyfriend. Being a cynic, you kind of forget how awful being rejected feels. This is the first girl from school I’ve even thought about asking out. That’s four years without a single (formal) date—parties and shit don’t count, I’m talkin’ dinner and coffee.

Perhaps I’m turning some things in my life around. It’s become more apparent lately that I’m lonely, and that maybe finding someone to care about wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

I started a fresh detox today: no alcohol for the foreseeable future. (We’ll see how long that lasts). It’s only been one (1) day but everyone has to start somewhere.

I’ve also realized I need to stop spending money like a rap mogul. So I’m going to try and be a bit more financially conscious, while still fueling my need to have fun and live, while I’m alive. It’ll be tough, but cutting out alcohol will be a big step towards saving up money. Saving for what you may ask? Nothing in particular: saving just to save. It’s a wise time to start doing so. I’m almost a real person.

my dog is snoring

haters gonna’ “strongly dislike”

my eyes are stupid blue when I’m drunk…

I’ve got a football (soccer*) match early tomorrow morning. I haven’t even touched a soccer ball in 3 weeks. Also: I’m going out for drinks right now.

*I hate that I have to differentiate for my American followers. Get with it guys. You don’t even use your feet in American Football. And even when they do, they’d rather be throwing it. Fucking SHIT!

If liking Elton John makes me gay, then I don’t wanna be straight

that nap hit my like a triple decker bus.

feeling pretty useless right now

I blogged a lot of things today: 2 pictures of me; a new poem; several pictures of Samuel Beckett; a bunch of incoherent ramblings.
Tumblr isn’t used to me being so active…

I feel seriously bad for anyone from my High School who is still dating someone else from my High School. Their lives and ability to meet new and more exciting people must be awful.

that poem I just posted came to me out of nowhere. i wrote it in 20 minutes so it isn’t anywhere near done, but i thought it was neat, and wanted to share it. i know it’s long; i hope you’ll read anyway.
tl

2 out of 10 of you will die
of old age. You’ll slip away
from the earth you’ve come
to love, and if you’re lucky
enough, you’ll die surrounded
by those who liked you best.

3 out of 10 of you will die
begging for the end. You’ll
die in a hospital bed, tied up
to machines, that breathe,
and eat, and shit for you.
You’ll die with black around
your eyes and blue around
your heart, cursing your God
for letting this happen to you.

1 out of 10 of you will die
by someone else’s hand.
One that you knew, or thought
you knew, quite well. Or perhaps
by that of a complete stranger:
a man with something, or nothing
to prove. They’ll say you died
in the prime of your life and you’ll
be remembered, if by nothing else,
that you died in such a way.

2 out of 10 of you will die
with a smile on your face,
with no fear knotted up in
your chest. You won’t care what
comes next, and half of you will hope
for nothing: a quiet place in a
green field, perhaps under a tree,
where the wind will blow daily
(though you won’t feel it.) You’ll be
free to unthink and unlearn all
you’ve ever been told, and the
world won’t seem so bad a place,
anymore.

1 out of 10 of you will die
by your own hand. Your last
hurrah, your last laugh in the face
of your creator, “you can’t control
this!” you’ll laugh. But no one will
listen and no one will laugh with you.
Those who loved you, but you never
loved back, will grow a callous
over the part of their hearts that
used to beat for you. And when it
ceases to beat entirely, your face
won’t be among their last thoughts.

And 1 our of 10 of you will die
with a cracked and severed heart:
the most beautiful and purposeless
of deaths. Your tears will be the first
to go, after nights of flooding your pillow.
Your strength will leave you just as quick,
and your will to go on will vanish,
like the unnamable feeling
that’s been rotting inside your chest.

But you must remember, that 10
out of 10 of you will die. None will
escape it, none will laugh last, so you
have to do as you please: make money,
make friends, make love, make war;
whatever will help your heart hurt
less when its beating begins to slow.