This has been one of the strangest, most ridiculous, and most fun weekends I’ve ever had. However, when I woke up this morning, I felt oddly empty. I can feel it in my ribcage, like the trashcan in your kitchen, when you forget to replace the bag you just brought out to the curb. 

Feeling numb, feeling nothing; It’s a strange concept to feel an emptiness, which is essentially the absence of feeling. This weekend has just left me kind of drained I guess. I just turned 21, I’ve spent the past 72 hours completely inebriated, and I’ve barely slept. 

Normally when people ask you, “Do ya feel older?” you respond with a, no that’s fucking ridiculous, how could I feel older? But it’s weird, this is the first birthday that I actually do feel older. My bones felt a little heavier the morning I turned 21. My mind was a little more full than usual, I suppose.

I apologize, this type of post isn’t normal for me, and hasn’t been for some time. I’ve tried to keep my posts entertaining and full of humor as of late, but I had the urge to write something serious for once, and I couldn’t say no. 

It’s a strange feeling, being 21. You’re not old, but you’re not young, and you’ll never be young again; you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, but a huge chunk of it has passed, right through your fingers, and is now completely and utterly unattainable. It’s like a kick in the ass, you look back on all the silly things you’ve done, and you think, “yeah, I’ve had fun, but I need to start figuring some things out.” There’s a sense of urgency that I’ve never felt before, to do something with my fucking life.

Look, I’ve never been the kind of person to worry about my future. I truly believe that you only live once, and you’ve got to make the most of it, by doing what you want when you want. But turning 21 is kind of a kick in the ass, saying, “wake the fuck up, *insert name here*, at least a little bit.”